Now it happens to me how unusual it was that I walked round sporting a useless man’s engagement ring. Nevertheless it was arduous for me to just accept that Steve was gone. Within the final weeks of his life, he was in a lot ache that he might solely bear gentle kisses, so each night time in mattress we held palms like shy youngsters. With my hand holding his as we fell asleep, I used to be half satisfied that when his soul handed away, I might be carried away with him. After he died, I used to be momentarily shocked to find he was nonetheless alive.
Sooner or later, a few yr after Steve died, I took my ring off to clean the dishes and positioned it on the windowsill. After drying my palms, I picked up the ring, however one thing stopped me from placing it again on. There was nothing completely different about that day, regardless that I had lately turned 28 and acquired a home.
Time superior, however I used to be nonetheless caught up to now, with no promise of returning to it or of the long run. Sporting that diamond, I used to be concerned endlessly, in a nuptial limbo, in a phantom relationship: the center continues to like lengthy after its object has disappeared. I used to be engaged, however I might by no means get married. The origin of the phrase groom is “true”, however the ring was a lie. I could not “become involved” with Steve for the straightforward motive that he wasn’t alive.
At first, I felt responsible about holding the ring in my jewellery field, trapped in a fold of purple velvet, particularly since I noticed the diamond every single day after I acquired dressed for work. However over time it was liberating, my palms grew to become free and free from the burden of the ring and the whole lot it symbolized.
Late in life, Steve informed me he needed me to seek out another person to like. I at all times responded that I did not need anybody else. After he died, I absolutely believed that I might by no means fall in love once more. I could not think about, I could not think about. However three years later, to my shock, I fell in love, and after the connection ended, I fell in love many times. However I by no means acquired married, so I by no means acquired formally engaged once more, with a hoop to seal the deal.
Now, a long time later, I nonetheless have the ring. Often, after I open my fireproof secure to retailer paperwork, I see the ring in its small black field, in a bag with a certificates from LeRoy’s Jewelers, guaranteeing that the diamond was minimize and polished “by a grasp craftsman” who created a “full magnificence gem.”
